New Normal + Truth

OK so this is hard for me to say, but I am angry. I am not perfect. It may be hard to understand, but this is SUCH a life change.

Friday the 30Th of Oct, I had a dietitian appt and thankfully my husband came with me. 

Meeting with her and her going over all this diet stuff was a lot! she talked about how your body needs 3 VITAL things to survive

1) being water

2) food

3) insulin and how the cells need glucose to nourish your body, and insulin is the key to unlocking the door so the cells can absorb and when your body doesn't produce any or your type II and you don't make enough how it reacts.

Well she said something that triggered some emotion...she said, "Naomi, your body is still in a honeymoon phase, you are still producing some insulin but eventually it will stop producing all together." Well as much as everything has been very REAL and it's obvious I am a type 1 diabetic, but it was like another slam of reality! It's not going away! There is the other side of my thoughts that the verse I hear is, "..With man this is impossible,but with God all things are possible." No matter what they say, God has the FINAL say.

I am angry because this sucks. I am angry because I really didn't have a clue what my brother went through until now. I am angry because I this diabetes/thyroid is like another job.

This is a typical day since I came home from the hospital:

745-8am: wake up prick my finger assess my sugar..

8am: take 18-20 units of Lantus then I take a sliding scale of short acting insulin which depending on how high my Blood Sugar is and what carbs I eat, I will take 2-8 units of insulin

Eat--I am supposed to eat about 3-4 servings of carbs which is 1 Carb=15g portion, and some protein,fruit, whole grains...a well balanced diet is what I am supposed to mimic.

10-10:15am- assess my sugar again and log it..

(the dietitian wants a log of every post meal sugar, what I eat, two hour post sugar reading, so she may fine tune exactly how many units I will need to take per unit of insulin)

12-1230: check sugar level again -proceed to inject another sliding scale of Humalog.

Eat.

2-230: check sugar again; log it

630-7: check sugar, inject sliding scale of Humalog, Eat dinner

830-9: check sugar again, log it, eat a snack--most nights I wake up with extremely low sugar so eating a snack b4 bed is a MUST.

--Sometimes I will check my sugar again after eating a snack to see where it's at--

Since its only been a little over 3 weeks since all of this, my sugar is all over the place.

I am angry because I feel like crap at different times of the day..one min I am having a low sugar (under 80; mine has gone down to 20 and its been 2am but I know its a God thing I wake up) shaky,confused, a little sweaty and I am going to pass out, and a few hours later I am tired, heavy feeling, weak, hot, irritable, from a sugar high (anything over 200 for me).

I am angry because I have not always been a diabetic and some virus attacked my thyroids and pancreas and now both are dependant on medication to function. I am angry because a lot of people assume this is just an easy as pie transition. Well folks!, it ain't!

Today November 3, I went in to get a thyroid uptake scan, I laid down and this machine took three 10min pictures of my thyroids. I should find out the results in the next couple of days.They say it could be hyperthyroidism or Graves Disease. I am confident everything is going to be OK. I don't know but I do know my GOD is in control.

I have faith. Today I was watching Gloria Copeland and she said, "Faith takes it!, Take your Healing!" So I may go through an array of emotions but, I keep coming back to my Faith in my God.

1 Peter 2:24
He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree [as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed.Exodus 23:25
You shall serve the Lord your God; He shall bless your bread and water, and I will take sickness from your midst.Isaiah 41:10
Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice. [Acts 18:10.]

There is a purpose in all of this. I don't want to get caught up in being angry or pissed off..That's what the enemy wants to do, kill, steal, destroy. He wants me to focus on whats scary or uncertain...but HELL NO! I won't let him take the plans the Lord has to make Good out of all of this. I want to share something I prayed about shortly before all this happened. I prayed and praise my God. I asked him, Jesus, please if there is anything you want to teach me, please don't use my babies or husband. USE ME! Protect them Jesus from harm! USE ME!! ...now I believe he answered my prayer Ladies and Gentlemen! So the days I find myself upset about the current circumstances or difficult moments--I remind myself, Not only did my God hear me, HE HAS GREAT PLANS! We are not called to live in FEAR but righteousness --and Victory!

So I may not always be able to control my emotions but I can respond by faith and dig into the bible because it's filled with the truth. Plus, I always feel filled after spending time with my Jesus!

signing off for today---Jesus Junkie